30, April 2013 by Valrelyn
There is a feeling in the air of something or someone trying to take control, I feel like you are trying to capture me. I feel you trying to take over my being, you want to control who I am and what I am to become. Everything you do – you say it’s in the name of love – but your actions speak differently. Funny, I never knew a love that could cause so much pain. You hurt me with your words, yet you claim it’s for my own good. You say you are doing it out of love, but your interpretation of love and that of The Lord’s is vastly different. He says love is patient and kind and never boastful, and it doesn’t cause harm. So the lies you feed me contradicts what is written!
What is your name my wayward lover, you claim to be one thing, but your actions speak another. You are like a parasite, and I am your host. You feed off my emotions and my mental well being. You are an organism whose only survival is through me. You bring with you heartache and disease. Your intentions are not for my well-being. You promise the moon and the sun, but have delivered none. Yet you claim you love me.
It’s as if a parasite has taken over me, you want to control my actions, my thoughts, my emotions. I am your never ending meal and you feed off me – and your goal is to ultimately destroy me. You want to make me feel as if I am dying, but I am not – I will not. And even though the battle is hard, I will continue fighting for my life and my very being. Your survival depends on me and me only. You live at another person’s expense and not your own. And although I may not have realized it until now, the only power you have is what I allow you to have.
It’s amazing when I listen to your lies, I often wonder did that just come out your mouth. Does this person really think I am stupid. I must have fool written on my forehead. You paint these vivid fantasies of our future, of where we will be, how we will live. The life we will have. You boast of all your achievements, and your success. But there is no proof. You speak wisdom and you know HIS words backward and forward, but you aren’t Him. I’ve finally decided that you are here merely to make me lose focus of what is promised and what is to come. And if I surrender to your foolishness I will miss out on what HE has promised.
You’ve been with me for a long time, maybe I am just so comfortable in this chaos, or maybe it’s fear of letting go and moving forward. I have grown so comfortable and I have settled for less than I deserve. I deserve happiness, even though you think I don’t. You know my insecurities and know how to use them against me. That is what parasites do – they devour their host, they want to become them. Then they make mistakes and become greedy in their selfishness, and too comfortable in their host – careless. And that is when the parasite is discovered, and then it must be removed. I no longer fear being alone, I fear losing His promises of tomorrow. You think you have mastered my emotions and know what makes me tick, but that’s where you are mistaken – and that error has cost you the game.
You are so smooth with your words, for when I think of leaving or escaping – you tell me how much you love me. You feed me with more of your lies. You build me up only to tear me down later. This relationship is abusive. For even though you can’t see my scars, they are hidden on the inside. There is so much hurt and pain created by the unrealistic expectations on your part. Your motives are plain and simple, I just have to lay my rose colored glasses aside. I must face reality. Your job is to steal, kill and destroy me. You’ve been with me so long that you have mastered my insecurities, and my weakness. You know how to cleverly use them against me. You speak with such wisdom and authority, you are so diverse on many topics when it comes to me and my likes and dislikes. But in reality we are at war, and the enemy thinks he is going to win.
There is this fear of letting go, maybe because I don’t think I will make it, or maybe it’s the words you’ve planted firmly in my head. You make me think you are the one. You think you can promise me riches because you know my struggle, so you try to bribe me with money. You tell me how you love me and how no one else could. You constantly feed into my insecurities by telling me I am not good enough and nobody else wants me. You have done a good job taking over me. You are this little organism that I allow to live within. You are eating at my flesh and my soul. But I won’t allow you to win. For you are just that little creepy crawly thing – and why people fear you – I don’t know.
This is my life and I’m going to fight for it. When we allow the parasite to dictate to us our purpose, we surrender our strength. It is up to us to take control of our own destiny. You maybe be sleeping with the enemy tonight, but if you fight for your freedom – you will end up with the King. You think because you promise me the world , I will let go of who I am destine to be. You assume I will completely give in to you – but I won’t. I am strong, I am powerful, because His love for me is greater than your will to control me.
You had emotional control over me, it was like being abused mentally. It’s hard letting go of one’s manipulator, in our mind we think we can save them with our love. But we can’t. Our love is not the key to their salvation. So I have to release you since you are unwilling to release me. It is up to me to walk away, I must severer the ties that bind us. There is something about my weakness that makes you strong and feel as if you have an unbreakable hold on me. There is something in me that lacks confidence, which is why your hold is so powerful. You manipulate me with your words, and use my emotions against me. It’s a game you play to break me, but you will not break me. For I am worthy of love – to give love and to be loved. I was created out of love, and even though I have forgotten my importance in this food chain of yours – HE has not! I am constantly reminded that I don’t need and escape plan – the only thing I truly have to do is call on His name. There is power in the name JESUS, when I say His name with strength and conviction, when I no longer waiver between the old wine skin and the new – there is salvation and deliverance for me. I believe in myself now more than I ever have before. The only power you have is the power I allow you to think you have.
You are the one who has been jealous of man since the beginning of creation. You know our worth and our value, even when we haven’t always recognized it. You know my strengths so you fed more on my weakness, you want me to focus on my sin rather than the freedom that the cross has given me. You see HE died for all my sins – past, present, and future. But you want me to think I am dirty, that I am less than what He has made me. That is what the enemy does. He targets your weakness, and he knows what areas they reside in. But one must not forget – He gave man dominion over everything, even all slimy creepy crawly things. Even though we fall down and lose focus we are still loved. We were created out of love and not fear.
If we aren’t careful we can become a parasite, in our future relationships. Out of fear of being hurt and used again – we can become the manipulator – because we are so familiar with it’s spirit. Therefore, it’s a battle of spirits – and you have to decide to be the victor. You have to let go of what seems familiar -and break those strongholds and remove every trace of the parasite! I know there is a future for me that is bright. My life’s story was written before I was born. He has a great purpose for me. I must realize my destiny and know that tomorrow is mine. There is power in His name, and just one whisper of His name will spew out and expel the parasite from within. I will call on His name, JESUS.