THE FALL!!!!The fall by~ Valrelyn Parson 2018 March 3
The anointing attracts them the moment they discover that I am a pastor, women flock. There’s something about a man of God that intrigues them as if they desire me to save them. Lucifer was beautiful and Gods most anointed cherub he knows the scriptures. Women often say how they fantasize of being a pastor’s wife. I smile because I know the hook has been set. They’ve cleared the doorway to the worst nightmare, why do women follow and chase men of God? We can’t save your soul only God can. You look at me as if I am a God. In my mind I’ve become the big OG. They’re charmed by clever words. You tell them they’re beautiful and use their weakness to destroy them. In their mind I am the dreams God place in her spirit. I rejoice in knowing you believe I am who I say I am and although my actions they speak louder than words you ignore because you have fallen in love with the facade I have betrayed I am a holy man I am and Apostle of God. Now it begins the fall of a great man, caused by his ego and arrogance, the great Holy man never seen it coming.
Some people think it’s a big thing that causes a person to stumble and fall. But so often it is the minor things that causes the great fall. A fall shakes a person, it awaken them. It is often use it to force them, to see what they can’t see or refuse to see. It often takes a fall to bring back to reality. When you’re lost to a reprobate mind and lust consumes you, there is no turning back. The warning signs are all there but when one can’t see with his spiritual eyes and only his carnal eyes. What happens when a great man falls? There is so much potential, all wasted gone unless he redeems himself. But what if he can’t see, will he remain lost forever?
A great man has fallen, and he is unaware of the fall. A shaking has accord, and he is not aware of the spirit that operates inside him. It has disguised itself as the Holly Spirit, but it is not it the spirit of the Kundalini. You were Samson and you had such much potential; you were a great apostle with the anointing of David, and the Wisdom of Solomon. Your obsession with getting the perfect woman has caught up with you, and like those great men you have fallen from glory. You held so much promise, so much wisdom, and so much hope. Only the love of flesh has destroyed you. I see a man who was once great. When you have become double minded in your opinions; you waver back and forth. You no longer seek the true Holy Spirit; you seek a spirit that imitates him as light. I wonder why great men fall. When you accused others of pimping the pulpit for profit, but you pimp it for flesh.
Preachers have a history of preying on women. You seek women you deem who are broken. If they aren’t they will be when you finish. It’s as if you get a high out of seeking them, you prey on them, building them up only to later tear them down. All you do is in the name of The Lord. There’s nothing holy about a man pretending to be holy and preying on women. You use their love of God to seduce them and keep them close.
They clad you in the anointing and they assumed you were of the light; but you masquerade as light; you articulated the right things you proclaim the correct things. You‘re wise with your words; it impresses them your knowledge of HIS word, but little do they know you are out to destroy them. You’re so good and imitating God that you looked like the one they had prayed for, and they are too blind to see that your mission was to destroy them and keep distracted so they would miss out on the blessing God had for them. What they thought was love was hatred and envy. You‘re on assignment and your entire purpose is to stop them from fulfilling the purpose that God has created them for which is to Love and spread his word. When you have used His word to hurt them and confuse them and make them angry with God. In their minds you were who God had sent. Little did they know it was just an attack of the enemy? Sent to shake them to make them lose their way to give up…
Your life story, is like Moses, abandon and taken into the palace. You had the best life that anyone could hope for. You assumed that if you became like David that all your wounds would heal. But even David had wounds, he didn’t feel appreciate by his father; they always looked over David. It’s strange how a man of such greatness and promise can grow up in a house of terror and not realize his full optional. You were once a man after Gods own heart, but you let lust over take you. Like David you wanted the prettiest and the most anointed woman you could find. Like, Sampson you have allowed Delilah in and she knows your secrets. She knows your core desires; you hope to love and to receive love. You want your father’s approval something you’ve never experienced. You watched how he treated you, and how he treated the ones he loved. It is as if his demons transferred over to you and he man you hated you have instantly become. You are just like him, having no respect for women.
It’s easy to point fingers at others and say where they have failed in ministry, and what their shortcomings are; but it’s hard to admit to oneself the same thing you accuse them of you do yourself. They may pimp God for profit, and for fame. But you use him for sex; you use your anointing to lure women. You have become and expert at women; you study their weakness and their habits. You look for a certain type, you search for her, study her weakness and learn her strengths. You put on and excellent charade you pretend to fall in love with her and you tell her she may be the one but you are waiting on God to confirm it. He never answers because the God you serve wants to destroy women. Yes, you claim to love them, but in reality, you are bitter and furious. You want to cause pain to them because of the pain you felt for being abandoned by your mother and not feeling wanted or loved by your adopted mom. It’s a never-ending, vicious cycle. You are like the Anacondas; you sit silently waiting for your next prey, then she comes slowly you kill her by constricting squeezing her, and suffocating her with your emotional baggage, and abuse there until she can no longer breathe. Like a snake you swallow her head first and whole. What is left is then a broken shell of a woman? She is emotionally damaged and broken; God never gave you confirmation she was the one. And in her mind, she feels as if she is not worthy of God’s love or approval not only is she not your wife but she not worthy of being anyone else’s. You hid behind the facade of being saved when you aren’t. You can’t minister to others or save souls when the one in the pulpit himself is not delivered.
He sees you play God; you behave as if you are him. You say you are looking for someone as anointed as you are someone who astute in God’s word like you claim to be. You study His word and you know scriptures backward and forward, but you don’t have a relationship with him. You have a religion, and it’s all about pointing the blame at another of the cloth who has failed like you have. It’s easy to a point at the fingers at your brothers in ministry, but you forgot in the way you judge, so will judge you; Why do I look at the speck in my brother’s eye, but do not notice the log in my own eye? “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the mote out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? We must judge ourselves, and evaluate our own deeds, but not make our word a law to everybody. We must not judge rashly, nor pass judgment upon our brother with no grounds nor must we think the worst of people. Here is a just reproof to those who quarrel with their brethren for small faults while they allow themselves in greater ones. Some sins are as motes while others are as beams; some as a gnat, others as a camel. Not that there is any sin little; if it be a mote, or splinter, it is in the eye; if a gnat, it is in the throat; both are painful and dangerous, and we cannot be easy or well till they are got out.
The spirit that has overtaken you is so strong that you can’t get away from it. The sad thing is that I destined you for greatness and here you are now constantly scrambling, here and there. You pretend to spread MY word when the word, what you spread is not of ME, but of your father the devil. Satan’s hold on you is so strong that you can’t see it or rather refuse to see it because you believe you are serving Me. MY word states you can’t serve two masters, you can’t see it. Maybe you can but in your religious up tightness you refuse to see it. You are like so many others who claim to know him but refuse to bow down and serve the one true God. You pray, but are you really, truly submitting yourself to him or you are listening to your prayers. Are you spilling platitudes?
There are so many who claim to serve God, but who have fallen and are still in the pulpit, the place we go to for refuge and safety often have whore mongers serving as men or women of God. They haven’t completely sold out to God; they are Luke warm, but the bible says you he prefers you either hot or cold but not lukewarm. The pulpit is a place to pick up women to scope them out. It’s become a place to reach out to the sisters who are broken and abused or abandon. It’s no longer a place of safety. They are there seeking healing, and the beloved of the Father, you represent him to them and that is how you lure them. They use the healing them seek against them at the end.
I see you looking from your altar wondering who you should devour next. You prey upon her weakness; you look over the congregation searching for your next conquest. She doesn’t possess to be beautiful; she only has to be weak and easy for you to access. There is something about her that makes her attractive, so you study her you find out what her weakness are so that you can break her. You make each woman of your church feel they have a unique relationship with you and that other members are envious and jealous of that relationship. Eventually, each person feels closely linked to you. The only link they have with one another is through you.
Coming out of such sick personality cults is a gigantic step for each woman because someone has taught women that if they ever say anything critical about you, God will severely judge them or something dreadful will happen to them or their children. The sexual abuse begins with you through a subtle and calculated touch that violates her personal boundaries. It confuses her; you are her pastor, her mentor who has touched her. She does not want to feel as if it was intentional. In her mind, the pastor would do nothing like that. The violation often occurs in counseling or comforting her in a crisis. So, she assumes that the pastor just got carried away in his efforts to help. However, when no objection is raised, he seeks the next opportunity to cross a more intimate boundary. Once the sexual intent is obvious, the woman feels compromised, but she may feel as if she invites the advance. He controls her by saying it would be in her best interest to keep quiet. She feels violated, betrayed and duped. She is angry and outraged, and often she feels too fearful or guilty to get in touch with her feelings. She wonders where God in all of this is. How can I make sense of it?”
You hate women; you claim you love women and you want a wife. The other sad part of the story is this is she was just one of many innocent women, you preyed upon. She doesn’t know you hate her and other because someone once hurt you. You abuse women, you brow beat them down to keep them in their place. It’s all about control and manipulation, it’s not about love. It’s sad because the little boy within you who never received love wants love. Women seek spiritual guidance from men in authority and sometimes they are taking advantage. When you reflect over all the women, you have abused and hurt. But the reality is it’s not you but the spirit behind you. Someone has hurt you so much in your life that all you want to do is hurt anyone in return. The wounds from your past have never healed, like Solomon, David and Sampson, your flesh has gotten the best of you. Can a great man seek redemption? Will glory be restored to him; and what about the women who’ve you hurt along the way? Who heals their broken hearts and spirits, are where they innocent victims caught up in the war. It’s a spiritual battle and you are slowing loosing. You have lost who you are, and it’s hard for you to recover. You can’t see what’s happening or rather you have ignored the warning sign for so long you have become comfortable in sin.
You manifest yourself as the Holy Spirit and proclaim to be anointed; you profess that you’re called and chosen. The scripture says, “Many or called few or chosen”, and you assume you are one of the few. God’s heart is his daughters, he loves them and you prey upon them and mistreat them there is a price to pay. Flesh and spirit cannot dwell in the same temple; you will either submit to one or fall prey to the other. Your weakness is the love of flesh, you love women you. But your actions speak louder than words. How can one hate what he claims to love?
You ask yourself, how did I get to this place? I allowed myself to lose sight; better yet I lose my way. It’s a scary place, the place where I am at. I wake up with strange women who are not my wife. Although I can feel HIS presence I know he’s disappointed. I had so much hope so much potential. You could say I was the next Paul, or David. But I allow my flesh to take over. I wanted what I wanted no matter the consequences even if it meant losing my soul. Yet here I am, and even though all hope looks as if it’s gone. I know there is hope. People whisper and talk about me, my congregation is a loss for words, I am supposed to be the good shepherd. Yet I have fallen from grace, I ask myself how did it get to this point, when did it all get out of hand. So I set back and watch and hell even pass judgments on others I feel if I judge them then I could have from my own sins. I was that rich man trying to get into heaven by my works.
Lord where do I go from here where do I go? Satan says you’re done; there is no more use for you. Your reputation precedes you all the good you may have done is overshadowed by the sin you have committed, but just like the adversary comes to accuse. I hear Jesus saying, “Ask and it shall be given, knock and the door will open”. I say to myself even a wretch like me can be saved, for I am lost but I can be found, and I was once blind and now I see. I see things I never could see before. I see me for who I am. Maybe part of it had to do with my father who always thought I was a failure, I always thought he needed saving, but the reality is I know that God was the only one who could do that, not me. Perhaps if I had allowed the light in me to shine bright I could have removed the scales off his eyes, but the anger and hostile got the best of me, in my mind I said I forgave him, but my spirit said no. God said No that I had masked the hurt angry and rage… with my ego and my pride. An in my mind I became everything he said I was a failure. But the one thing he couldn’t take away or say I felled at was being a minister a man of the cloth; he wasn’t saved so how could he judge me. I have carried all to of this inside, so I sought solace in women. The women flock in grooves. Perhaps it was my looks or my suave personality when I reflect over the women I’ve hurt in my life it brings me grief. So I drink to mask all the pain. I should have expected this fall, there were the warning, and I ignored them.
Here I am Lord, your servant, even though when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the man I once was. But I know that he is here somewhere behind the tears and the wrinkles he’s here. Father, help me find my way; please forgive me for all that I have done. I am not proud of my conduct. Lord, I repent of all the sin in my life. If there is any sin I don’t know of, please bring it to my mind so that I may repent. Please forgive me Lord of any pride, rebellion, vanity, jealousy, judging, distrust, prejudice, dishonesty, stealing, greed, spiritual adultery or fornication, or any spiritual murder.
Please forgive me if there is any refusal or inability to forgive others. Please help me forgive as you forgive. I thank you Lord for washing me clean with the blood of Jesus Christ. I thank you Lord for creating in me a fresh spirit and renewing a right spirit within me, a feeling that will worship you, glorify you, and serve you for the rest of my life. In Jesus Christ name, amen.
Having believed your promise, I receive your forgiveness, knowing you remove my sin as far as the east is from the west, choosing to remember it no more. There are no words to thank you for this blessing. I thank you Lord that you will totally restore my soul and heart so I may fully serve you. Please help me overcome my past and heal me and then that nothing hinders your plan and aim for my spirit. Tomorrow is a new day, it’s a new me all previous things have passed away and a redeemed leader has returned to his flock.