05, MAY 2016  by Valrelyn Parson

Looking for Mr. Good-bar… Do you ever wonder how some people attract good men and women effortlessly?  Are there more or less secret they know that has eluded you? Are you tired of searching for that one person you want to spend your life with, only to end up in one blind alley after another?  Do you ever long to be married and have a family, like your friends? Are you struggling to attract or keep hold of the kind of man or woman you would want to settle down with? Are you struggling to attract or keep hold of the kind of man or woman you want to settle down with?

Before you can find yourself or your soul mate, you must know what the spirit and soul are. The bible tells us we were created in the likeness of God, and that God is a trinity. “And God said,” let us make man in OUR image, after our likeness… “Spirit and soul are two very different things. Spirit: is breath, the animator, the vital principle that is in deathless, and changeless. Soul: is credited with the functions of sense, our emotional nature more like what we comprehend.

It’s so important to understand that there’s a process you have to go through before you can be with your ‘soul mate.  There are two types of relationships, one that you put yourself in and one that God puts you in.  There are also two types of marriages, one that God has put together and one you have put together. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” so if God isn’t in the picture, then of course people will get in the way. And it won’t last it may prosper for a short time but it will eventually fail. In this verse it’s not talking about the physical thought of two people being together, but the spiritual side of your relationship – the soul tie.

There are godly soul ties which no man can break. “Before I formed you, I knew you” you’re spiritual being existed before you manifested into the physical. So your ‘soul mate’ was with you when God formed you, as Genesis 2:22 says “the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” but you are separated when you manifested in the physical and at God’s timing you will be reunited. This is why when you do meet your soul mate, several thoughts will come across your mind and one of them will be “I feel like I’ve known this person all my life” truth is you have… in the spiritual realm.

We must realize that when we require people to live up to our ideal of love, we are creating fear that they may not and then when they can’t or don’t, it is really you who are producing your own disappointment, because you are looking for them to be something other than whom they actually are. The majority of our adult lives we have been told we have chemistry with someone. You can have chemistry with anyone and that does not make those people your soul mates.  When you encounter that special someone, there is chemistry between the two of you that is unexplainable.  It’s not sexual or physical attraction, but more so a spiritual connection that draws you to his other spirit.  That person you have this chemistry and are drawn to must be whole just as you should be whole.  Wholeness will qualify as the chemistry and connection that you have with your soul mate.  You will receive a word from God that gives you your divine confirmation that this person is your soul mate.  The person must have a sense of purpose, knowing who they are is extremely important.  You don’t want to wake up and realize your purpose and you are in the wrong relationship.  You want somebody who knows who they are and is in full pursuit of their intention, their dreams, and living each day whole!

The best advice for finding a soul mate remain committed to yourself first, and being who you really are inside, and making your inside and outside the same.

How do you recognize that you have found your soul partner?  You just have to pray and ask God to help you make the right choices.

There has to be some kind of chemistry to identify if someone is your soulmate, isn’t just based on ‘chemistry’ because you can have chemistry with about 50 people, but that doesn’t signify you should then leap into a relationship with them. You might have similarities, maybe its interest or even bondage past – loneliness, brokenness etc. If that’s the basis of your ‘chemistry’ then you’re in difficulty. You can’t be a slave to chemistry. If that’s the only basis of your relationship, then your relationship won’t make it.  But, chemistry is the sort of ‘fire starter’ to what will lead you need.

There has to be a connection – Something that attracts you to them, maybe wanting to know them more.  Just because he or she is saved, the love doesn’t mean they’re your ‘soul mate’. But this connection is spiritual; it’s because of the soul tie I mentioned before. This connection has to be ‘godly’ it’s not made by ‘something happening’ in terms of kissing to having sex with that just know if that’s the radical of your connection, then  you’ve only made an ungodly soul tie. “I felt like after we kissed there was something, like a spark!” You need to understand that the connection is not created by something happening, it’s always been there, but you’re yet to discover that when you meet your soul mate

You must be whole, too many times people jump into relationships feeling incomplete, hurt, and even lonely, feelings that you know you have to deal with but because you see a shot of starting a relationship, in your mind, maybe you feel like as if “you know what, I don’t think anyone will even look at me twice or even like me, so might as well…” but listen, you’re not whole. You haven’t come to the point where you feel whole, every broken piece is perfect and comfortable being by yourself that if granted the option to be single for the remainder of your lifetime, you honestly wouldn’t mind. When you realize that God is enough, that is the desire you want to be ‘fulfilled’ in a relationship will disappear. The danger of leaping into a relationship when you haven’t dealt with insecurities, and things you know you need to deal with, when the relationship is complete you’ll have to share with them all their feelings you abandoned’ and sort of shoved to the position, and you’ll honestly feel shattered, if you don’t give up your insecurities to God. You can’t anticipate a fruitful relationship, if you’re both not whole. It’s like a boomerang; you leap into a relationship thinking I won’t be accepted my, with insecurities… why is that? Because your security is in a person instead of it being in God, and therefore when the relationship is gone like a boomerang those feelings will come back, and you’ll be ‘overwhelmed’ and unable to deal with them. Two broken people will simply lead to more brokenness, it’s not a thing of fact, “he or she understands me” it’s more like you’re both broken, but blinded because you reckon a person will complete you, because you underestimate God’s ability to make you whole. It’s important that you must be whole. If you’re in a relationship and you have this core dependency on the individual you’re with, when you do become whole the relationship will be meaningless, wouldn’t it? What happens if you’re in your relationship and you realize your purpose?

A soul mate doesn’t fill a void! The one thing about soul mates is that you don’t have to seek them out. God will give them to you at the proper time. You seeking them out are like telling God you’re ready, but only God knows when you’re ready! You may feel like your spiritual life is great and you are ready to meet the one” maybe God wants to elevate you to an even higher level so you and your soul mate are on the same level. “The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”  The LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.”  Adam was asleep when God took out his rib and made Eve, how did he know that she was his bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh? When you meet your soul mate there’s that godly connection that you instantly feel, it’s like you’ve met the male or female version of yourself. It’s not their body that attracts them should because your body will decay, but it’s their spirit.  If it’s your soul mate, you can let go, you don’t have to suffer this fear of losing your soul because you recognize that if it is God’s will they’ll come back. But, if you’re in a relationship that’s not a part of God’s will of course you’re going to be scared because you’ll never find anyone like them, or someone who can ‘tolerate’ not love you, but ‘tolerates’ with you and it’s vice versa. If you possess this mentality then it’s like you’ve let down your standards in order to satisfy someone else’s.

Divine confirmation not, from your friends, I’m talking about God. Find out if they really are your soul mate, then of course God will confirm through people, maybe situations will reassure you. Did receive you a word from God? When you’re with someone and you don’t feel the presence of God when you’re together then you shouldn’t be together. So many times we need to separate our “spiritual life” and “love life” but really it is one, well, it should be! If you’re reading this and thinking “I don’t know if my relationship is from God” then it’s a no, it’s not from God because if it was you wouldn’t doubt or question because God will confirm

Don’t permit yourself to “tolerate” someone who doesn’t understand your worth or value you, you might feel like you don’t have any self-worth or value, but I’m sure you have a little bit to walk forth from a relationship that’s just pushing you not merely away from God, but away from your purpose which you long to see turn into a reality. Please realize that God thinks so highly of you and knows what you deserve, but in order to receive not what you believe you ‘deserve’ because we don’t know, but what God knows and does not thinks but knows you deserve. God is not going to permit you to let yourself be emotionally drained in a relationship that’s just leaving you emptier than you were before you entered it. Permit or allow Him to fix every broken piece, allow Him to make you whole because that’s His desire. You might feel like you want to walk away, but you don’t know how to. I desire you to get into prayer in this minute and I desire you to scream, not talk because from the depths of your soul your spirit cries out, especially given to the fact you’re feeling incomplete, submit yourself to God. He’s not running to judge or push you away, like maybe you’ve experienced before or like the person you’re in a relationship with you. Give God a chance, and He’ll help you on the steps to take in order for you to be free and whole again. Perhaps you feel like you know what I’ve been in a relationship and I’ve messed up real time there’s no means God can forgive me because I consciously recognized it wasn’t His Will, like I got along. You might feel like a ‘failure’, let me tell you something, understand that God will never abandon you. You need to pray to view what you went through in the eyes of God when you can look backwards and seize the lesson from it rather than the pain you went through that will change everything for you. Hold on that perspective.

The trouble is that not many people are willing to wait for their ‘soul mate’ and would rather play God and find ourselves with someone who we believe will accommodate us. Are you really willing to wait? I pray that you’ll get to a content stage in your walk with Christ, where you’ll be whole and when you do meet your soul mate, you’ll be grateful for all the ones you said “no” too, the relationships that failed. Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband or wife? Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in you. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).

Heavenly Father, I am looking for your plan, your answer for my life. It is my desire to get married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as you intend and that I am accepting whatever situation you have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life. Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart. So, I give them all to you. I ask that you cause my ideas to become agreeable to your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You, Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust in You are my life, Lord, that you will let me stay in the meadow pasture and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies you the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that you are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek your will for my life. Lord instructs me to constantly pray and not to faint, lose heart, or yield up that I may know your will for my lifetime. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept your will; even if that means that it is not your will for me to be married at this time. In Jesus name I pray, amen. Amen!

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