07, January 2013 < Valrelyn Parson>Copyright protected, all rights reserved
poem by and unknown author
I tried to put on your shoes all my life, and walk in the footsteps of a giant. But it’s not easy because I still view you with those rose colored glasses. I want to be the best man possible, but somehow I failed. As time goes by I see my failures and I see the pain in my son’s eyes. It’s the same pain I carried with me as a boy. You would think I would have learned from watching you. But sometimes we don’t learn from our parents mistakes. Often in life, we repeat those mistakes, not because we want to, but out of habit. Or what we perceived was normal. Your rejection has been a constant nightmare in my life, I am reminded daily of my failures as a father when I look at my son. I see a boy wanting to be a man like his dad, trying so hard to live outside of my shadows.
There are little eyes upon you.
And they’re watching night and day;
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say;
He often says, “Daddy, don’t you see me? Daddy, Daddy – don’t you hear me?” I said those same words. And now, I am standing before you – this shell of a human being. I want you to at least acknowledge me. To say you love me. But you can’t. I know you do. And I know it’s the fear of showing emotions, that you think would make you less than a man. But I realize, that even though you can’t say the words – in your own way, you do. You aren’t able to convey your passion for me because you were not taught how. You were told to be strong and don’t cry. Still, here I am – this broken man that stands before you. It would be amazing to hear, “Son, I am proud of you” or “You mean the world to me” – but you can’t. And even as time has gone by, and age has crept up on you – there you are, this man whom I wanted to be so much alike. I remember wearing your shoes, practicing walking in your footsteps. But you never commented, because you didn’t have time.
There are little hands all eager
To do anything you do;
And a little boy who’s dreaming
Of the day he’ll be like you
It’s funny how time waits for no man. The legacy that you have passed to me isn’t a pleasant one. And although I try not to commit the same mistakes that you did – I have. I never wanted a strained relationship with my son. I wanted a relationship based on love, but I could only show him love the way it was shown to me. You gave me so much in life, but you failed to show me love. It’s easy to make a baby, but the truth is – it’s much harder to raise a boy into a man. You gave me your name, but not your heart or your time. I know you did your best, but you failed me – and now I am failing him. We’ve passed on this legacy of rejection, but not in the sense that most people may think. For even though you’ve watched me become a man, you failed. And I can understand the pain and the pity in your eyes. You did what you knew how – it was what you learned from your father.
You’re the little fellow’s idol;
You’re the wisest of the wise,
In his little mind about you,
No suspicions ever rise;
I look a the life of David, who was anointed at age twelve to be a king. But his father didn’t recognize his worth. Instead, he sent a king to be a shepherd of sheep. He didn’t hold him worthy. I ask, “How can a man anointed for greatness learn to be average? How can he settle for just being average when the calling on his life is so much more.” His father had all his favorite sons in the house, but the one favored by God was in the fields. His fathers legacy and disapproval followed him all his life. It had an adverse effect on all his relationships. David’s failures can all be traced backward to his father Jessie. Jessie failed David as a father. David was great of king, but also failed his sons as a father. “What shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, but lose his own soul?” He found his place in history, but did not find a place in the heart of his children. Although he was successful, he was a failure. There are a lot of David’s in this world – who have so much pride in their earthly accomplishments, but yet have failed in the one area that matters the most … the gift of mentoring and molding a precious soul that God gave to them.
He believes in you devoutly,
Holds that all you say and do,
He will say and do, in your way
When he’s a grown-up like you.
There is another Father who committed His Son as a loving sacrifice, whose Son taught us love. He taught us even though your earthly father has failed you – your Heavenly Father will never let you down. When life gets you down, you can run to Him. When all hope is gone, His door is always open. When you feel like you’ve been beaten down by life, He will help you prevail. He will show you that you don’t need the approval of your earthly father – but you do need to forgive him, because he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know that you were destined for greatness. He was taught to hold in his emotions, and ignore his failures – so he couldn’t see past them. He didn’t understand that The Great I AM was always there, waiting for him. But he was blind.
There’s a wide eyed little fellow,
Who believes you’re always right,
And his ears are always open,
And he watches day and night;
It’s time for all those fathers who have failed their sons, as their fathers failed them – to step up and be the man of God you have been called to be. It’s time to for you to return home to your Heavenly Father. It’s time to realize that just because one father failed you, doesn’t mean HE will. It’s time to make peace with your rejection. It’s time to walk into your purpose. It’s time to give forgiveness and ask for forgiveness – to say you’re sorry. It’s time to be a real man and walk with integrity. There are too many broken men walking around still seeking the approval of an earthly father – but it will never be given to them. So it’s time for those men to say to their fathers, “I forgive you for failing me.” It is time to start living – and be the man God has called you to be. To all you Men, who were rejected by their fathers, “May God heal you – from the mistakes of a man, that put you where you are now – and deliver you to a place of forgiveness and peace.”
You are setting an example
Every day in all you do,
For the little boy who’s waiting
To grow up to be like you.