When the Song Starts Playing in Your Head

Every now and then, a woman has one of those moments.

Nothing dramatic has happened.

No grand declaration.

No flowers arriving at the door.

He may simply be standing beside her in the kitchen, reaching around her for something in the cabinet, laughing at something she said, or pulling her close while dinner is still on the stove.

And suddenly…

there’s a song playing in her head.

You know the one.

You make me feel…

And that’s all I’m going to say before Aretha’s people come looking for me.

But women know.

Because sometimes femininity isn’t something a woman puts on.

It’s something she feels safe enough to settle into.

It happens when she’s with a man who doesn’t make her compete for his attention.

She doesn’t have to audition for affection.

She doesn’t have to constantly prove her value.

She doesn’t have to wonder whether another woman has his eye while she’s trying to hold his heart.

She can simply be.

Soft.

Playful.

Flirty.

Silly.

Strong when she needs to be.

Tender when she wants to be.

And completely comfortable being a woman.

There is something beautiful about a man who can make a woman feel desired without making her feel objectified.

Wanted without making her question whether she is valued.

Protected without making her feel controlled.

Loved without requiring her to become smaller.

And sometimes it isn’t anything he says.

It’s the hand at the small of her back while she’s cooking.

The kiss he gives her when he walks through the room.

The way he reaches for her hand without thinking.

The way he looks across a crowded room and somehow she knows exactly what that look means.

The laughter.

The inside jokes.

The dancing in the kitchen when neither one of you can really dance.

The ordinary moments that somehow stop feeling ordinary because of who you’re sharing them with.

That’s when the soundtrack starts.

And perhaps that’s one of the beautiful things about mature love.

You eventually learn the difference between attention and affection.

Between chemistry and connection.

Between being wanted and being valued.

Attention can make you feel attractive for a moment.

But love that is safe makes you comfortable enough to take off the performance.

You don’t have to become more feminine for him.

You don’t have to become more desirable.

You don’t have to become someone else at all.

The right kind of love simply creates enough safety for parts of you that have been guarded to come back out and play.

And maybe that’s the real dance.

Not performing for him.

Not chasing him.

Not losing yourself in him.

Just standing comfortably in who you are while the way he loves you reminds you of the woman you already were.

Then one evening, you’re standing in the kitchen doing absolutely nothing special.

He comes up behind you.

You smile.

The music starts playing in your head.

He has absolutely no idea why you’re suddenly swaying.

But girl…

you know.