Extraordinary Measures


Extraordinary measures

You say let go, don’t fight just let you go and allow you to leave. It’s hard just letting go and watching someone or something die. When you could just reach in and save them, but how does one avoid the temptation of playing savior or hero. How do you just stand there and surrender and just stop fighting. When death is standing at the doorway ready to rush in and take over.

Now there is the temptation of whether, I resuscitate, or do I use all my options what about life support.  What if I allow the ventilator to take over the natural process? What if it could save you, or what if it’s our last chance to make it work?  It’s my only option for keeping your heart beating. For keeping life in something that is dead. Often we can’t determine that it’s dead or rather we ignore the symptoms

Sometimes we use extraordinary measures to keep something alive that we should just allow to die.  It’s hard letting go and even harder saying good bye. But what if good bye isn’t forever, but what if it simply meant, not right now or see you later. It’s hard allowing something or someone to die gracefully with dignity. We believe as if holding on will make a difference in how the story ended.

You asked for a DNR and for me to allow you to go away with the same dignity that you came in. But it’s hard. As I reflect over past memories and the could have been playing in my mind like a recording. It’s tough to say bye to a promise, to know that the fairytale or the happily ever after wasn’t meant to be. It’s frustrating when your insides scream that you can fix it; but you can’t fix it, not this time there is no easy solution. How do you  prepare for the sudden impact of it all. And it hits you hard, so hard that you realize that it’s over it’s gone forever.

It’s hard letting go and watching something die, when your instinct tells us that we can save it, we can make it work. So we continue to fight, and struggle and hold on. But it’s become clear that no matter what measure I take the final outcome is death. I struggle with every breath inside of me because the thought of letting go and losing you scares me.

How does one stop running the race and just throw in the towel and walk away.  Can I just simply walk away and wish you well? The memories flood my mind of the moments we shared, the laughter the joy, but most of all the love. Yes, I love you and to let you go is killing me more than you know. But I realize that our season is up, because for everything there is a season. How does one prepare for the next season of their life? Do you enter it with joy or do you just simply enter it because you were forced to.

It’s strange how so many couples around us use extraordinary measures to save a relationship that doesn’t need saving for the sake of faking it. Who knows, maybe they are right, maybe we should fake it until we make it. But what about the endless possibilities, dreams where we are both happy or in the future being friends. What about that picture. The picture we see years from now of two happy people enjoying life.  But what if this is just a blur in our radar screen and we have to survive the storm not together but separately.

What if the test is truly discovering who we are or rather whose we are before we can be who we need to be to one another.  Everyone prays that their relationship makes it, but I’ve come to realize that not all relationships are ordained by God, many never should have happen in the first place.

So many people get so caught up in the mundane things that they forget the important things. They forget that in wanting the promise you need to prepare for it.  I wondered if we were prepared or did we start building the process without reading the handbook all I know is that we were not wise stewards of the gift of love he gave us.

Love is a gift and instead of appreciating it, I used it to hurt you . I used your love you had for me against you. I thought I could do anything and you would simply forgive me and look the other way. But sometimes people get fed up and enough is enough. And they want out they simply need to let go and rebuild somewhere else somewhere new with someone new. The rebuilding process is hard. The letting go is hell; because the person you hurt the most has the hardest time letting go. They want so bad to make it work. But they chose not to, because you have abused their heart. You have trampled on it time and time again. And sometimes the words I am sorry or please forgive me aren’t  enough.  Enough is enough and they refuse or rather you have killed whatever flicker of love that resided inside them.  It’s time to surrender and allow the natural process to take place and let death in.

How does one bury his or her best friend, or how does one just simply ride out into the sunset and let go. It’s not easy, but in order to save one’s self, sometimes you have to not throw away the life preserve and have the other person drown, because if you don’t they will overwhelm you. I can’t drown, I won’t drown.  You know for months, or rather for years I have tipped toed around you. And I took the blame, but it wasn’t all me. But there comes a realization when one wants out they will gladly take the blame.   You see I entered into this relationship with hopes for a future but you destroyed all hope or rather the force behind you. And you couldn’t see me or rather you refuse to see me.

I am standing at the door with bags in hands and you want to use extraordinary measure to save something that we simply need to let die. Where were you when I needed you, with someone else or you couldn’t be bothered? I never really understood what unequally yoked meant. I thought that perhaps I could change you.  Or if I loved you enough I could help you see, you were worthy of more. But in this process of trying to redeem you I was slowly killing myself.  The harder I work to save us the more you worked to tear us apart.

Sometimes you can work it out, sometimes you can’t
Sometimes you’re forced to watch everything fall apart
It’s outta your hands

Now you want to try and save us, No, I ask for a DNR, I don’t want to be resuscitated. I want to leave as beautifully as I entered two spirits with two heartbeats. We tried so hard to be one, but the love just wasn’t there. I tried God knows with every breath in me, I wanted to make it work.  But sometimes we have to shake the dust from our feet and leave.  I was of your household but you refused to listen or to make me feel welcome as if I belonged.  Instead, I was an outsider looking  through the window at a life that didn’t include me but rather excluded me.

It’s sad, but it’s funny that now you want to cry, you want to hang on to me with dear life because somehow you can see things clearly now. It’s all a facade part of your grand scheme. You have pulled me apart bit by bit deemed me unlovable unworthy of love. But in the midst of it all I remembered.  That foundation was instilled in me by my parents.  I recalled that I am loved, that I am worthy of love and that a man died for me.  HE gave his life for me because I was that’s how much he loved me. Do you love me that much? The answer is very simple.

Sometimes leaving is easy, sometimes it ain’t
Sometimes it hurts to know the loving you had
Is slowly fading away

It’s then easy to distort words and to blame one another, only the truth of the issue is we failed.  I failed you so you say and you failed me. I wasn’t the proverbs wife and you weren’t the Ephesian husband.  Maybe we were too naïve when it came to understanding the covenant of marriage or maybe just one of us understood while the other pretended to understand. We were warned but somehow we over looked the warning. Don’t be unequally yoked, spiritually we were on different paths; professionally we were on the same path. But when it came to the things we valued we differed.

You can say whatever you like as long as we just say goodbye
Blame it on me, say it’s my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care, I ain’t crying no more
Say I’m a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want as long as it’s over

This relationship that we built was not on a solid foundation. We built it on the sand and when the tides and waves came in little by little the erosion started.  Bit by bit it fell apart and unlike the phoenix it did not raise from the ashes.  And like humpty dumpty it couldn’t be put back together again.  No matter how many king horseman were there to help it couldn’t.  What I discover in the middle of falling was that no matter what it seems like God has me. And that there is a greater purpose for my life and what looks like and ending is in reality a beginning.  Death is a new beginning separated from the ones you love, or rather hidden in plain sight but they are unable to see you because the spirit world and the physical world are so intertwined in to one.

I ain’t a quitter, I just ain’t the type
I tried to see you through
I tried to make it to the finishing line

Letting go, moving forward is hard because there are giants in our path, but giants are just shadows from our past. To begin again one must know this is the path that the Ark of the Covenant passed, on unfamiliar land and even though friends and family try to advise you they can’t because they have not traveled the path he has laid out for you. They may understand your circumstances but everyone path is different it may appear to look the same but it’s not.  You ask how does one simply let go, or how could I leave. Easily, my heart is not hardened nor am I angry. I simply know that I can’t forget.  That you broke a promise, and forgot that when you make a promise to God, don’t delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him.

You thought it was meant to be, I admit so did I
Every once in a while you think you figured it out
Sometimes you’re not right

I’ve taken my rings off, all my cards are on the table. This ring is just a piece of metal, which can be melted down by the refiner’s fire. But love can’t be or at least you shouldn’t be able to melt it down. You keep staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. But I’ve finally found it. I questioned this relationship, I questioned God but I realize that he was never in it. It was just us alone battling back and forth hanging on by threads. I took you to a counselor thinking it could help save us.  There was no saving us, with each fight the words got uglier.  The love got lost, you thought every argument was about winning the battle, little did you know it was about surviving the storms, and standing together thru it all. But you abandon me long before I decided to leave.

You can say whatever you like as long as we just say goodbye
Blame it on me, say it’s my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care, I ain’t crying no more
Say I’m a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want as long as it’s over

So often we are judged by the mistakes we make in our lives, and divorce is just the fruit of a relationship that was never ordained by God.  We came together but he never came with us.  I chose you but I didn’t allow him to do the choosing for me.  My flesh chose you, you fit the bill I wanted someone who was attractive, smart a trophy. I didn’t pray for someone who was my equal, I didn’t pray for a spiritual mate.  When you are naïve your flesh seems to dictate to you what is good and what is not. I allowed lust to lead me down a path I never wanted to be on. Because I didn’tt obey and wait, for HIM I have paid the price.

Yes, I love you but I really got to lose you
Freedom’s where I wanna be
Yes, I’ll probably always love you but I’m moving
I gotta do this for me

I was trying so hard to keep this relationship alive to make it work, but I was miserable, maybe it was the idea of being alone that scared me but in reality is I was always alone. Some people think that marriage is the key to everything but it’s not. You have to be completely yourself before you get married, you can’t rely on another person for all your happiness. That is too heavy of a weight to put on their shoulders.  The future is unclear, but severing all ties at this moment is the best gift I can give you. You were once my love, my friend, but slowly you became my enemy or rather the one who kept me captive in hell.  You keep pleading we can make it work, but please take the gift I am giving you which is life.  A chance to find love and to be loved, because I don’t love you anymore and some days I wondered if I truly ever loved you. This is what happens when we get married for all the wrongs that we assume right.  This is how bitterness and hatred grows, when a person tries to hang on to another person who simply wants out of hell.

I know you are afraid and so am I but, there is no fear in love. And what I am doing for you now is out of love. I am not leaving you, because I don’t care about you, but because I do.  Please be happy for me and I am for you, it’s a new season filled with endless possibilities.

The damaged can be repaired, and there is hope for the future, this time I know to wait on the Lord to direct my path, and to seek him in all areas of my life. It might seem funny to some but the reality is I want the person he chooses for me.  You see he knows what I need and he looks beyond the physical he looks at the spirit of a person. He wants me to be equally yoked.  HE wants us to walk in his purpose. HE wanted Adam to have a help mate so he created Eve.  So that HE would not be alone. Loneliness,  is hard but it’s even harder when you are in a marriage and you are alone. You ask how can one be married and still be alone the answer is simple. Is it a conscious choice or a series of events that creates this wall? Maybe it’s just being fed up and tired of fighting, or refusing to fight or just giving up and attempting to die a slow death until you are forced to live. Its hell being married yet being lonely, but this is something I brought upon myself. I realize that it was never a marriage just a piece of paper. That has bond me to another person. What was supposed to be happily ever after has turned into hell or rather prison. It’s been the death of me slowly I have died in this relationship.  Maybe, I wanted the promise more than I wanted HIS promise. There is a difference between a marriage ordained by him and one you created yourself out of your own free will. Those we create aren’t recognized by him because they are not of HIM.

Blame it on me, say it’s my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care, I ain’t crying no more
Say I’m a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want

We try so hard to protect ourselves but when the bad things happen they come out of nowhere. But we forget sometimes that’s how the good things come too. But if we cast our care on the Lord, he will sustain us; he will never allow the righteous to be forsaken. In the mist of it all, I remember his promises. And I know that I have to “Let go and let God, but there are times we aren’t clear what we are supposed to let go of.  And there are others when we want to let go but we continue to hold on when it’s over. We hold so tightly to things that we need to surrender to him.

Blame it on me, say it’s my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care, I ain’t crying no more
Say I’m a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want as long as it’s over

Chrisette Michele –  Blame It On Me

Sometimes what we must do is give up on preconceived notions of how life is supposed to work. And other times we grip tightly to the assumption that is the way it is. We think things should be easier when they aren’t, so at that moment we should take up our cross as Jesus commanded. And shake the dust from our feet and move forward.

“Letting go comes down to, do submit to his will or do we follow our own. We must let go of our will and pray that hard prayer that he prayed. “Father, you are willing, remove this cup from me; never the less not my will, but your will be done.  We need to let go and let God do  God wills.  This submission will lead you to peace and joy, and even when the way is difficult. “Father, I put my life in your hands.”




There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
Away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
Loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
Staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might
Be made manifest that they were not for us.
For had they been of us, no doubt they
Would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means
That their part in the story is over. And you’ve got
To know when people’s part in your story is over so that you
Don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.
I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful,
it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God
Means for me to have He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!


Letting go involves wishing the other person well..

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