Ground Zero: Domestic Violence and suicide

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Ground Zero

 Love the way you Live

by Enimem &Rhiana

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright,
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you’ll always be my hero
Even though you’ve lost your mind

Ground zero, is what occurs when we don’t pay attention and lose focus on the important things, it is what goes on when the enemy enters into our house and destroys us from the inside out. We have unwelcomed guests that we have no control over in the natural, only in the spiritual. What he brings with him is chaos, destruction and often death. Prepare for the fallout, because he won’t be happy until he has destroyed the very thing you love which is ‘Your Family’.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie.
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

After the enemy has attacked, the debris and rubble is all that’s left standing. There are casualties of this attack. There are so many victims, with unknown faces and unheard voices, and various stories of what happened and why we were attacked. But at the end of the day, the truth of the matter is – no one knows the true story – they can only assume why it happened and who is to blame. When the blame in this sorted affair is bigger than all of those involved, an it ended with two dead and a family full of wounded victims – who cares for the victims left behind? Who’s going to tell them that they are not to blame for the actions of their parents? That when there was a prospect for freedom, neither one of them was willing to work out. It was all or nothing in their game of war. Sometimes we take hostages and sometimes they survive, but often times they don’t. And even if they do, they carry around battle scars that are carved so deep into their soul – that only a Savior can deliver them from that pain of their past.

I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight
High off her love, drunk from her hate,
It’s like I’m huffing paint and I love her the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
“Wait! Where you going?”
“I’m leaving you!”
“No you ain’t. Come back.”
We’re running right back.
Here we go again
It’s so insane cause when it’s going good, it’s going great
I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane
But when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who’s that dude?
“I don’t even know his name.”
I laid hands on her, I’ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

No one knows what it’s like when you’re at ground zero, that you have nothing to lose. All your cards are on the table and death is the only option – because you feel as if you have lost everything already. So there is nothing to fear. Death doesn’t scare me, because either I go to heaven or I go to hell. But a life without you and without love, now that is terrifying! You ask me to let you go, and that you want to leave me. NO! I have nothing if I lose you. So I rage and attack, I have to take you out before you leave me. What does one do when they are down to nothing and they are about to lose everything. Sure you can take out the enemy, but what people don’t realize is that the enemy is an extension of oneself. And if I kill you – I’ve killed a piece of me. And then I’d have nothing more to live for, because half of me would be dead. At ground zero, when I’m waging an attack against the enemy – the worst  part – is that the enemy is me.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You say he’s to blame, and that he should have walked away or should have asked for help. Or that she’s to blame and should have known when to let go. But the reality is, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one knows the whole truth – only the walls and the people who lived inside our home. You could try to figure things out by what’s written on paper, the medical reports the police reports. But the truth of the matter is – no one really knows why she stayed or why he stayed – or why neither walked away? All we can do is just guess and make presumptions. The only ones left to tell the story are the children, who sadly are now damaged by the aftermath of the fallout. No one cared enough to spare them of this nightmare.

They were just innocent victims in their parent’s war.
Now there’s gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
And this tug of war, you’ll always win
Even when I’m right.
‘Cause you feed me fables from your head
With violent words and empty threats
And it’s sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

Today, they are now the victims – of both society, and their grandparents who are now blaming each other for their kids, the parents of these now wounded children. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it. Just as you can teach a child right from wrong, but you can’t force them to choose the right path. But if you truly raise a child in the way they should go, in the end they will not depart from it. So who is to say that we didn’t? Did we forgot to lay the foundation, or did they simply chose to ignore it. Sometimes in life, we get so caught up in the mundane day-to-day things, that we forget that all important foundation. So here we are – at ground zero – everyone pointing fingers and victims lying wounded around us.

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you’re with ’em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get ’em
Now you’re getting fucking sick of looking at ’em
You swore you’d never hit ’em; never do nothing to hurt ’em
Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, bit ’em
Throw ’em down, pin ’em

One parent cries, “God, get my children out of here, I don’t want them to see me this way. I don’t want to die in front of them”. And the other screams, “Lord, please forgive.” These are the cries that everyone will remember, and most of all – the kids. You were present when they took their first breath, and your kids will be there when you both take your last breath. They are the moments in time forever inscribed in our minds and hearts. But the kid’s memories will be sullied, for now they question why no one helped them, and why they were threatened. You told them if anyone heard about what happens behind closed doors – they would be beaten, or taken away from their parents. So they became a prisoner of the war between you and your spouse. They’ve never enjoyed knowing what it means to be a child. You said you loved them, but did you really? Love doesn’t force you to keep secrets. If someone does, then it’s not love – it’s hate. For love and hate may both involve intense emotions – but that’s where the similarity ends.
So lost in the moments when you’re in them

It’s the rage that took over,
It controls you both
So they say you’re best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don’t know you ’cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it’s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that’s why they call it window pane

So here we at ground zero, standing in the rubble, as they take away the victims of the war. It’s hard when a parent decides that he or she won’t let the other go, and instead decide to keep the children hostage. They feel like they can’t live without the other. So they decide if they can’t have the other, then no one else can either – so death becomes the answer – and they selfishly take their own lives. Not thinking of the victims left behind and the wounds that they will leave them, only wondering if they were to blame. There are also the most tragic times when those who are most evil murder the whole family. But in my case, they only killed one another. My grandparents only know one side of the story, the one that each of my parents told them. But neither knows the whole truth, just the endless variations floating around – two being ‘He said she threatened to keep the kids from him’ and ‘She said he threatened to kill her if she left.’ With all the numerous lies mixed with partial truths leaving the kids as pawns in this game of war. A mind game of who can manipulate who the best. Who is the best at bluffing in this high stakes game of poker, and at what cost are you willing to play the game? Unfortunately, what neither truly ever realized – is that along with the kids, they too were pawns in a game that is bigger and larger than they are. It’s a game that has lived on for thousands of years. Where both see one another as the enemy, but neither is the real enemy – because he hides cleverly behind them watching them, and moving them almost at will across the board – pawns in this human game of chess. Neither realizes that they could both be saved if they only asked, but neither does because the dark enemy has them convinced that the other is the threat. So the war continues, when a simple cry for help to the One who created them could have ended the game.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie!
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

The beginning of this attack started with a threat and frightened young ears hearing, “This is 9-1-1, what is your emergency?” The child’s voice responded, “Help, my momma has a gun. Please help me, my daddy also has a gun. They are threatening to shoot down one another –  please help us.” The poor innocent child, scared to death of both parents – thinking both of them have lost their minds. The child wants to keep daddy from shooting mommy, or momma from shooting daddy, or them both killing each other – only they can’t. They’re just a causality of war, a victim in this drive by shooting – hoping and praying that they don’t get shot as well. But they were shot way before these real bullets were placed in the parent’s guns. They have been wounded thousands of times by equally deadly bullets – words of abuse. We may see the physical wounds of victims of domestic violence, but we don’t see the internal wounds and scars that are hidden. You can’t see them with a naked eye, they’re buried deep in the person’s soul. They alone experience them when they manifest in the natural as their child grows into an adult. And if he or she if not careful, if they are not protected – they will become an abuser themselves. It’s not their fault, it’s ours – because we didn’t save them. We stood on the outside looking in, passing judgement, but we didn’t cross into enemy territory. We should have crossed the line.

So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin’ up
In smoke with all our memories

So now that 911 have been called and everyone has been dispatched it’s too late. Where were you yesterday or the day before? Where were you when they needed you? You were busy living your own lives too busy to be bothered, or busy gossiping about what you thought might be going on. You heard the screams you saw the bruises, but no one tried to save them.

It’s morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you’re awfully sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
Baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
That we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky

Many times we make the mistake of praying for God to keep something together that wasn’t meant to be. Many times, in the mist of all the commotion, we look to blame someone for what happen – but you can’t. They were under attack themselves, and they couldn’t see the force that was attacking them spiritually. There are things that the carnal eye cannot see, that only the spiritual eye can discern. When one is under a spiritual attack, often he or she doesn’t know where to run or who to turn to. You look to heaven, but the answers aren’t coming as fast as you want or need them. Somewhere in the middle of ground zero, God is there and waiting on you to call his name. But often times we don’t – maybe out of fear maybe, or out of shame. He has been and will always be with us, always. Some may ask, “Why didn’t God stop the nightmare?” His answer would be, “I gave man free will. He always has the choice to make the decision – yes or now. But so many times he chose his will – not My perfect will.” As we look around, pointing blame in the middle of the aftermath, there is a stranger hovering over everything. He is looking at the casualty. God knew the struggles, He knows the story, and he had hope that it would have ended differently – but it didn’t. You only see the fallout from it all, but He was there when she was wounded. He held their hands and told them that death is not the final chapter – and that He was there to take His beloved child home.

Together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
You hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’?
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
But together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counsellin’
This house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
With you I’m in my f-ckin’ mind, without you, I’m out it

God’s message in the middle of it all, is that, “Your loved one is home with Me. They are at peace and there are no more tears, no more pain.” It’s the kind of peace that only the great I AM can give – and it’s far beyond your imagination and human comprehension. I was there at the beginning, and I was there at the end. I was there when they took their first breath, for I AM the breath of life, I AM the true vine. I was there when they took their last breath, and what looks like a tragic ending to all those who are now left standing – is not. You see, in the midst of everything, I AM still on the throne. I knew it would end this way, but there was nothing I could do. I gave man free will and the ability to choose from right and wrong. But the evil one who imitates Me, appearing as an angel of light – pitted a man against a woman in this war – in an effort kill and destroy. So you see, the war is fat bigger than what you see. Everyday it’s a fight, and everyday there are casualties. But the way to avoid being a victim – is to be the victor through Me. Chose Me, chose life – and allow Me to write your story with a happy ending.

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is
You’re the same as me
When it comes to love you’re just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn’t you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won’t be no next time!
I apologize even though I know its lies
I’m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im’a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I’m just gonna

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

There is a war on families to destroy them. It’s a spiritual attack that has been going on for years. But few know how to defeat the enemy, and the ones that do are often frozen in fear. We have been given the authority and dominion over the enemy, yet we are too afraid to walk in that authority. We are afraid to call on the One who created us – and pull down the strongholds that the prince of the air puts on us. So wars continue to go on and on, because no one knows how to fight an enemy that he or she can’t see. How does one begin to fight when you don’t know who or what you are fighting? You get down on your knees and you pray, that’s how. And you ask the Lord to deliver you or to heal the other person. God is our redeemer, our sustainer, our peace. So we pray for the survivors of violence, abuse and neglect – for Him to give them peace. There are many places in this world and many people who do not experience Your peace Lord. Right now there are many, many women and children who live under the dark weight of the fear of violence – right in their own homes. We pray for protection and for wisdom for our friends and officials to help bring the needed protection to them. We pray for the many men who themselves feel powerless and confused about their relationships. We ask that You would help them find healthy ways to work out their frustrations and to find hope, without resorting to destructive impulses. Lord God, work in our country to stem this epidemic. Be with them in confusion and pain. Give Your power to the powerless, Your fullness to the empty of spirit. Heal their wounds, free them from fear and restore them to true health. Strengthen them to face the future with faith in You. We ask this through Jesus Your Son, Who was Himself a victim of abuse – and yet in His resurrection, triumphed over the oppression. Likewise, God of justice, Judge of all the earth, we bring before You those who abuse and mistreat others. Turn the hearts of the exploiters from the way of evil. Open their eyes to the truth of their conduct and fill them with remorse for the damage they have done. And so, by Your Spirit, bring them to true repentance and amending of their lives. And now Lord, may Your Spirit draw us together, both in our church family, and in the community. May we face our mistakes with complete honesty, and preserve us from hurtful speculation and gossip. Help us reach out, care for the hurting, and to support each other. We ask that You strengthen us with the gospel of Your grace, and for Your perfect peace in all our lives, in the precious name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.

http://www.myfreecopyright.com/my_copyrights/blog

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3 Comments

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  1. Your words are powerful!!! Peace and many blessings to you, Love! 🙂

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