N8tivegirl

EVEN IF.

I Will Still Praise. (Part II)

There were pages in my journal

filled with other people’s miracles.

Names circled.

Dates written in faith.

Scriptures underlined in confidence.

And I watched heaven move.

I watched marriages restore.

I watched diagnoses shift.

I watched doors swing open that had been shut for years.

And I praised.

Loudly.

But when I turned the page

to my own requests…

Silence.

No thunder.

No confirmation.

No unfolding.

Just quiet.

And there is a heartbreak no one prepares you for —

The heartbreak of being strong for everyone else

while privately wondering

if God skipped your name.

I fasted for breakthroughs

that weren’t mine.

I interceded for futures

that weren’t attached to me.

And somewhere in that obedience

a question tried to grow:

“Am I called to carry others

but never be carried?”

That question almost hardened me.

Almost.

But here is what I know now:

God answering someone else

is not evidence

that He has forgotten me.

He is not limited by timing.

He is not pressured by comparison.

And He is not confused about my address.

So I made another decision.

Even if

my own pages stay unfinished longer than I’d like…

Even if

I never understand the silence fully…

Even if

what I prayed for never returns in the form I imagined…

I will still praise.

Because my faith was never a transaction.

It was a covenant.

And covenant doesn’t collapse

when the timeline does.